A Slow Boat to China

As 22 scholars recently proclaimed in a joint criticism, Chinese television is not known for deep insight and objective viewpoints. News programs are the fat slow-moving targets of this criticism, and it is hard to believe even anyone in the Chinese government would argue CCTV news is objective. But these scholars also point out that much of the era dramas that form a large part of original programming also fits into the CCP’s brainwashing agenda.

I haven’t been impressed by many shows in China, with the exception of some GREAT animations from old Shanghai cartoon studios in the 40s and 50s. So definitely nothing recently. I feel the era dramas, in particular, are dull have never really been interested in them. Something about mixing one-dimensional acting with ridiculously complex treachery schemes of ancient China doesn’t work.

Anyway, recently I’ve been watching one of the 30-minute shows on CCTV4, Zoubian Zhongguo, and have been really impressed. One of the reasons I like the show is that it doesn’t take the same bland stories we’re used to hearing from CCTV and rehash them. I still have yet to see a story about WWII, or Mao, or the Long March. Instead, the show focuses on places, people, and aspects of Chinese society that most people don’t know about. For instance, some of the interesting shows I’ve seen include a “cave-mating” ritual practiced by some minorities in Yunnan, an ancient stone bridge in Sichuan that has stood for over 1000 years, and the origin of a chengyu “鸡犬升天.” Most shows provide in-depth information that is surprisingly balanced and scientific. It is fascinating to watch the narrator work through several different explanations for the day’s topic. That just doesn’t happen in the news shows!

For those of us that have grown used to laughing at Chinese absurdities on CCP airwaves, this show just proves that objective and intelligent reporting IS possible in China. While there have been episodes that focus on Taiwan that have a political tilt, 99% of the shows seem to be as good as similar reporting I’ve seen from NHK or PBS. I hope mainland Chinese get used to this type of quality and ask for more of it.

Here’s a good example about the search for the modern-day location of the last Chu capital.

First there was Baidu, brazenly copying every look and feature from Google. Now, it seems there is www.56.com and www.tudou.com. A friend of mine in China recommended I watch the Chinese drama 奋斗, a wonderful TV drama that I’ll write about in a later post. He sent me the link to watch through www.56.com. As I looked at this Web site I had never heard of, I felt the same as when I first found Baidu. They are so blatantly copying–how do these people get away with this?

56.com <- Click for a page shot.

The obvious reason is that the ads are all Chinese, the interface is Chinese, and most importantly, the content is Chinese. In this case, the content is a Chinese New Year show with some of the most famous actors in China–Zhao Benshan (赵本山) and Song Dandan (宋丹丹). But the structure of the Web page is simply way too close to Youtube’s for me. The right side of the page are links to related movies, visitors can leave comments below the movie page, and the user is listed in the exact same way they appear on Youtube.

I’m not sure how sites like this get a hold of the programming code or software that runs Youtube–maybe they are that good at imitation. And maybe this happens in countries all over the world. Either way, I have no doubt Youtube/Google would be able to shut these Web sites down in a heartbeat if they were based in the U.S. They’re obviously stealing something.

In a previous post, I tried to translate a “mountain poem” written by a Danzhou local named Li Hua. I wasn’t entirely successful, but the unique style and dialect of the poem has motivated me to find out more about this Hainan dialect.

My first discovery amongst English websites was the following: Dongpo. While the poem displayed here was written in 1128 A.D., the number of characters per line are simliar to Li Hua’s. Another obvious connection is the name of the poet: Dongpo (东坡), who apparently was exiled to Danzhou. Dongpo, of course, was the name of the school that Li Hua satirized in his poem earlier this year, and it would make sense that the school would be named after the poet.

Chinese websites on Danzhou dialect or Mountain Songs are surprisingly scarce, but here is a list of some that are relevant:

An audio file of Danzhou songs (Real Media Format)
A forum with Danzhou dialect.
A site that appears to host informal Danzhou “Mountain Song” contests.
This page includes some modern Danzhou mountain songs regarding internet surfing…

The Danzhou government website was predictably mercantile, with most of the webiste’s effort devoted to attracting capital.

UPDATE: The following website states clearly that nang2 (囊) is the Danzhou equivalent of (能). So now we’re getting somewhere.

Differences in humor between cultures is one of the most interesting aspects of human society. Anyone watching a Japanese game show will soon realize that some humor is socially and culturally unique, and that not all jokes translate between languages.

The same is true in Chinese; the following is a great example:

邓小平和毛主席散步
小平问：租西，四介桑最筒裤的是洒子四琴喽？
主席：桑阔！
小平：莫比择更筒裤的了？
主席深吸一口烟，凝视远方：田田桑阔！

Simply translated, the joke runs:

Deng Xiaoping and Chairman Mao went for a walk.
Xiaoping asked: Chairman Mao, what is the most painful thing in the world?
Chairman: Going to class!
Xiaoping: Isn’t there anything worse than that?
The Chaiman inhales deeply on his cigeratte, and stares into the distance: Going to class every day!

What’s so funny about this? Well, nothing, if you’re an English speaker from the U.S. But this joke will make most Chinese chuckle. First of all, it is written phonetically, and therefore doesn’t use correct characters as they would normally appear in the dialogue. Phonetic writing is rare in Chinese because in order to write phonetically, one must use characters with meanings other than those the writer desires. In this joke, if the dialogue had been written correctly, you would have seen:

邓小平和毛主席散步
小平问：主席，世界上最痛苦的是啥子事情？
主席：上课！
小平：没比这更痛苦的了？
主席深吸一口烟，凝视远方：天天上课！

The joke is written phonetically because this style emphasizes the very noticable (and different) accents of both Mao Zedong and Deng Xiaoping. Deng, who was born in a rural town in Central China, was especially noted for his heavy Sichuan accent. In the joke, his pronunciation of “Chairman” is Zūxī, a play on the fact that he could not clearly pronounce the standard Mandarin Zhǔxí. Mao’s dialogues use nonstandard tones. The end result makes both Mao and Deng sound like simpletons.

I would imagine most of you that are reading this aren’t laughing, unlesss you already read Chinese and understand the strange accents of rural Mandarin speakers. I guess that’s the point; some humor really does require quite a bit of background and knowledge to be recognizable to the listener.

Here’s another, which was sent around in a spam cell-phone text message in 2005:

一女兵在小肚子上纹了毛主席像，一男兵临死前想看看毛主席。女兵把裤子脱了让他看，他说不对，这么大的胡子他是马克思！

A female soldier has the visage of Mao Zedong tatooed on her belly. One day, a male soldier was nearing death and asked to see Chairman Mao. To meet the dying man’s request, the female soldier took off her pants to let him see. He shook his head, and said: “No way! With a beard that big, that must be Karl Marx!

I’d imagine that this type of humor crosses language barriers a little easier, but even though the humor is crass, the political background of China sets the stage and gives the story it’s relevance and context.

And my favorite–anyone living in China over the last 10 years would appreciate:

抓住萨达姆怎么办?布什说渴死他,普京说饿死他,布莱尔说找几个小姐累死他,江**说讲三个代表烦死他.

What should we do with Saddam once we catch him? Bush says to drown him. Putin says to starve him, and Blair recommends finding several prostitutes to exert him to death. What about Jiang **? Jiang prefers talking about the “Three Represents” until Saddam is annoyed to death.

As most of you know, “Jiang**” refers to Jiang Zemin, and “The Three Represents” is given mostly meaningless lip service at almost every Chinese public event–especially when Jiang was the President. The creation of meaningless slogans and talking heads certainly isn’t limited to China, but the CCP has definitely taken empty propaganda to a whole new level.

This comes from www.vipcn.com–a list of text messages that are passed around in China. I’d like to have most of these translated at some point, although some may not make it past my good-taste censor. We’ll see!

将军行房，突闻夫人屁响，兴趣大消，翻身下床，夫人意犹未尽曰：夫君为何下马持枪而立？将军道：后山炮响，必有伏兵，此地不宜久留，改日再战！

你的一笑，狼都上吊。你的一叫，鸡飞狗跳。你的一站，臭气弥漫。你一出汗，虱子灾难。你不打扮，比鬼难看。你一打扮，鬼吓瘫痪。

想你是件快乐的事!见你是件开心的事!爱你是我永远要做的事!把你放在心上是我一直在做的事!不过?骗你，是刚发生的事！哈哈！

Thinking of you is what makes me happy! Seeing you is what makes me joyful! Loving you is what I will do forever! Placing you in my heart is what I always do! But–lying to you, is what I just did!

命运就像强奸，你反抗不了就要学会享受；工作就像轮奸，你不行了别人就上；生活就像自慰，什么都得靠自己的双手；学习就象叫鸡，既要出钱还得出力。

愿好运像乳房一样时常被你抓住，厄运像阴道一样永远夹不住你，财富像阴毛一样时时把你围绕，幸福像干完了事没给钱的小姐一样缠着你不放！祝你快乐！

上帝看见你口渴，创造了水；上帝看见你饿，创造了米；　上帝看见你没有可爱的朋友，创造了我；然而祂也看见这世界上没有白痴，顺便也创造了你。

When God saw you thirsty, he created water; when God saw you hungry, he created rice. When God saw you lacked a cute friend, he made me; when he saw no idiots in this world, he went ahead and created you.

今夜星光灿烂,你在哪里浪漫?没事可别乱转,也别到处放电,我知你已成年,爱慕之心难免,但以你的条件,不能那样随便,你是纯种狼犬,别和苯狗相恋!

谢谢你在我最失意的时候陪伴着我，在我最须要帮助的时候拉了我一把，千言万语诉不尽，只想告诉你：「自从认识你没有一件好事发生！」

对不起唷~~那么晚了还传简讯给你~~如果有吵到你的话~~在此跟你说声~~活该~~谁叫你要比我早睡呀~~~呵呵!

遇到你~是我心动的开始，爱上你~是我幸福的选择。拥有你~是我最珍贵的财富。踏入红毯~是我永恒的动力。永远爱的人~是你。遗憾的是~我传错人了

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